Savior
by InsideHazelEyes
Summary: Jasper is lonely soul from a broken family, while he's in a psychiatric ward he meets Doctor Carlisle Cullen who befriends and eventually allows the parentless Jasper to stay with his large family. Edward's the popular kid who doesn't know who he really is until he meets Jasper Whitlock. Rated M for mentions of self-harm, abuse and lemons in further chapters. AU/Slash.
1. Chapter 1 - New Beginnings

**AN: So, this is my first Edward/Jasper, slash and basically my first fic. It starts in third person point of view but will change to first person point of view in the next chapters until the end of the fic. It will be Jasper's POV then Edward's and so on and so on. **

**Hope you enjoy the first chapter.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Twilight or the characters; I did not make any profit from this story. All characters belong Stephanie Meyer. **

**I don't have a set schedule for updates but hopefully it won't take more than one a week to post each chapter depending on RL.**

**Songs that helped get me in the mood to write this chapter: **

**Astronaut – Simple Plan. **

**Skinny Love – Birdy version. **

**Saviour – Black Veil Brides (The song the fic is named after)**

**This isn't beta'ed so all mistakes are mine**

**Now, on with the show.**

**Summary: Jasper is a lonely soul from a broken family, while he's in a psychiatric ward he meets Doctor Cullen who befriends and eventually allows the parentless Jasper to stay with his large family. Edward's the popular kid who doesn't know who he really is until he meets Jasper Whitlock. Rated M for mentions of self-harm, abuse and lemons in further chapters. AU Fic.**

_Chapter One – New Beginnings_

_**~XO~**_

The hospital room was quiet, strange and dark; a thin, frail figure huddled close to the furthest corner of the white room. Golden blonde chair covered the parts of his face that weren't covered by his ripped, old jeans where most of his head was buried against, his arms held his knees to his chest as if he was trying to protect himself from the darkness and the monsters that he was convinced hid in the darkest parts of the room.

The door creaked open and a small stream of light pierced through the darkness. Most patients would breathe a heavy sigh of relief at the burst of light that promised to combat the shadows and the monsters, but he only tried to push his breakable body further against the wall's corner, getting peeled paint in his tangled, unwashed blonde locks as he rubbed against the corner. He had not lifted his head yet, he was terrified as the person stepped into the room and invaded his personal space. He heard the squeak of springs as the bed on the opposite side of the room sunk with the weight of the other person as they sat themselves down on his bed. His eyes narrowed but of course, it was not noticeable as he still had his face hidden from view, after a long moment of nothing but the sounds of shallow, careful inhalations and exhalations of air, he lifted his head.

His pale skin was almost glowing, blackness formed beneath his eyes and showed his lack of sleep, despite the obvious neglect that was inflicted on him, his eyes were still bright, the ice blue of his irises pierced through the stare of the man who sat on his bed, the hostile stare was enough to make the man shiver. His head tilted to one side, expression feigning the innocence he knew made everyone see him as an adorable boy, not the messed up loser he knew he was, red lips parted as he spoke for the first time in a long time.

"You're sitting on my bed, ya know?"

The man frowned, but, much to the boy's irritation, he didn't move.

"Jasper…," the man started slowly and gently, Jasper made no indication that he heard the man, but the other man knew that he had indeed heard him but he was stubbornly refusing to acknowledge him, so the man continued to speak and despite the obvious and rude rejection, he still spoke in a gentle understanding tone.

"Jasper, you know why I'm here, don't you?"

Jasper looked at him and finally took the time to look at the man, he pushed his lips out and his expression became thoughtful. He noticed that the man looked young with light, neatly combed, blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes, very different to the piercing, ice blue of Jaspers. Jasper nodded slowly, letting the other man know that he knew why he was here but he wasn't in the mood to talk about it. Instead of giving up on what seemed like a hopeless case he continued as if he was talking to a friend and not to a patient.

"I'm Doctor Cullen; I'm here to help you"

The boy's expressionless face broke out into a grim smile, he laughed but it was humorless.

"You can't help the helpless, doc"

"I don't believe you're helpless, Jasper"

Jasper shrugged, there had been doctors in and out of his room for months now, they invaded his personal space and that made it hard for him to breathe without worrying if he was making too much noise, if he was breathing right and not annoying anyone. Jasper glanced at his scarred forearms, the bruises on them were fading into a yellow color, that didn't match the paleness of his white skin, but they'd almost be gone.

But the scars would remain forever. Every doctor would come in and try to talk to him, they would try to convince him that his father loved him and it was his illness that made him constantly beat his son and then shoot himself, but Jasper never responded, he never made any effort to get better because inside he was already dead, the hollowness told him that he should be dead already, it would only be a matter of time, so without much progress the doctors would move on and Jasper would never see their faces again.

He never forgot them, their faces were carved into his brain and he could describe all their features perfectly if he ever felt like opening his mouth and speaking, he never felt like that.

This doctor was different, it took him four and a half hours before he sighed and said he would return tomorrow.

Not much sleep was achieved that night, Jasper remained awake, his piercing gaze staring up at the ceiling above him. He thought deep thoughts that normal boys his age weren't capable of thinking. His body rested against the mattress of the hospital bed, slow breaths escaped his pinkish lips as he breathed freely for the first time in a very long time.

The next morning when Jasper woke up he found Doctor Cullen at the edge of his bed.

"Well, doc. That's a bit creepy," when he spoke the doctor could clearly hear his southern accent, it reminded him of a cowboy.

"My son usually tells me I can be creepy"

Jasper tilted his head and sat up, crossing his legs under the covers and looking into the doctor's pale blue eyes.

"Tell me about yourself, doc."

The doctor smiled a half smile.

"Tell you what, Mr. Whitlock. I'll tell you about myself and then you'll tell me about yourself, deal?"

Jasper nodded with pouted lips, like a curious child he moved further up.

"Seems fair"

The doctor nodded before he began to speak.

"First of all, my name is Doctor Carlisle Cullen. I have 3 adopted children and a beautiful wife named Esmé." Jasper nodded along with his words, urging Carlisle to continue. "My eldest son Emmett is in college with his girlfriend Rose, Alice and Edward are in high school. Edward's your age and Alice is two years younger."

With his words he pulled out a wallet and placed a family photo on Jasper's bed by his feet, Jasper blinked as he looked at Carlisle, silently asking if it was okay for him to pick the photo up and give it a closer examination, when Carlisle nodded Jasper did just that.

In the picture were 4 teenagers and two adults, a big, bear like man had his arm around a gorgeous blonde woman who looked like a model, he saw Carlisle and the woman who must be his wife, a tiny, pixie-like girl was being held by a taller boy. When Jasper caught sight of the boy his breath caught in his throat.

Emerald eyes pierced right through him, wild bronze hair stuck out at odd angles and a breath-taking smile graced his pale face.

Jasper was gay; he knew that from the age of 15 when he began experimenting with a friend. They kissed, touched but never went too far. Jacob claimed to be bi but Jasper; Jasper knew he didn't like girls. The boy in the photo stole his breath and Jasper had to know him.

"Who's that?" Jasper pointed to the beautiful boy, keeping his expression curious.

"That's Edward"

"Edward" Jasper breathed his name, like the way it sounded on his tongue and for a moment he wondered how he would sound moaning it, Jasper shook his head and scolded himself.

'_Inappropriate thoughts about the doc's son! Good job, Whitlock, you're already royally screwing yourself.'_

Now it was Jasper's turn to speak, he inhaled sharply and began.

"I grew up in Texas, sir. The only son of Charlotte Hale and Peter Whitlock. My father was never alright, he hit mama and me and when mama tried to leave he told her she could go if she left me. So, she left without me. My father shot himself after beating me until I couldn't wake up. I stayed with relatives but when they found out about my cutting they sent me here."

Doctor Cullen nodded throughout the entire story, he didn't interrupt or try to comfort Jasper when he got choked up and Jasper was grateful for that.

Doctor Cullen came back every day for months, he would tell Jasper stories and Jasper would tell him stories, Jasper never admitted it but the stories about Edward were his favorite, he didn't know the beautiful boy personally but he felt he did know him in some way.

Carlisle slowly began to notice that with his help Jasper was changing, he allowed himself to be cleaned even if he wouldn't get out of his clothes and into new ones, his golden blonde hair fell in waves to his chin and his eyes were alight with something that Carlisle couldn't put his finger on but liked that it was happening nonetheless.

_**~XO~**_

One day, six months after their first meeting Jasper was smiling and he always lit up when Carlisle would come in to talk to him, sometimes bringing along some leftovers of Esme's cooking for him since Jasper frequently complained about the quality of hospital food.

"Jasper..?" Carlisle questioned quietly as Jasper took a bite of Esme's roast pork sandwich that she sent with her husband, Jasper was starting to think that the woman was especially cooking for him instead of just giving leftovers.

"Yeah?" He said after swallowing his bite, after all mama always said to never speak with your mouth open.

"As you know, my wife can't have children so we adopt children who long for a home. The doctors have informed me that you're well enough to leave now and I was wondering if you would move in with us seeing as the police are unable to find your mother and your other relatives have issues with you staying with them"

Jasper snorted, he knew what issues they had. Before he knew it tears were welling up in his bright gaze and he was nodding enthusiastically.

"Yes! Please... If you'll have me" He said with a blush, clearly embarrassed by his excited outburst.

Within the next few days Jasper was discharged from the hospital and sitting in the passenger seat of Doctor Cullen's car, Carlisle had taken him shopping before they began the drive to the house and Jasper was grateful for that. He wouldn't have to meet his new family in dirty ripped jeans and an old shirt.

The large house was surrounded by a forest of sorts, when it came into view Jasper saw that it was overly large, nothing like his house in Texas. He swallowed a deep breath of air, the time was here and he was going to meet his new family.


	2. Chapter 2 - Meeting The Cullens

Chapter 2

**AN: OKAY! HI. Your reviews made the terrible day I was having so much better, getting such positive reviews is making my muse work overtime, thank you for that. SO! Onto Jasper's point of view. Once again, I do not own twilight; it all belongs to Stephanie Meyer. **

**Fun Fact: In my first planning I was going to not have Alice exist but I love her character so much that I just couldn't do it. I love her; I just don't like her with Jasper. **

**Jasper's flashback is done is third person. **

**Now for me to shut up and let you read.**

**All mistakes are my own and for that, I deeply apologise.**

**JPOV**

I swallowed thickly, my mouth was dry and my palms sweat, my face was practically pressed against the glass window as the huge house came into view, I heard a faint chuckle leave Carlisle's lips but I ignored it for the moment, I knew I must've looked like a kid in a candy store with my palms pressed against the glass and my eyes wide with awe.

The house stood in the middle of greenery, it was much larger than any house I was used to. My gaze scanned the entire house, taking in every flawless detail. Outside it stood two women and a man. Thinking back to the picture Doctor Cullen had given me; I stared at them through the glass and in my head went over their names.

'_Esme. Alice. And…. Edward'_

I pulled myself away from the window, straightened my crumpled shirt and ran a hand through my golden curls, the car stopped smoothly but still I felt my stomach do a back flip and land on its ass like an inexperienced child. My hand wrapped around the handle of the car door, I sucked in a sharp breath of air as I started increasing the pressure of my hand on the handle and opened the door, shutting it with a small slam. Carlisle laughed softly.

"Don't be nervous, son"

'_Did he just call me his son...? SON? SON?! Whoa.'_

My cheeks flooded with colour at his words, but instead of speaking I only nodded in acknowledgement and walked with him toward the people who I hoped would like me as much as Carlisle seemed to; my fingers bumped each other as I played with them, wishing my stomach would behave for at least five minutes.

The first person to speak up was Esme, she took three steps and suddenly had her arms around me in a warm embrace, I kept my arms by my side for a few moments, not knowing how to react to that. After all, I hadn't been hugged that warmly for a long time. Eventually my arms wrapped around her slender body as I hugged her back, my voice was a quiet squeak when I spoke.

"H...Hello..."

She only pulled back and smiled at me, ignoring my obvious nervousness and not pointing out how sweaty my hands were, for that I was grateful. She gestured towards the pixie-like girl who was bouncing from foot to foot; I couldn't help but laugh at her. She was ball energy and it somehow calmed the nauseous feeling in my stomach and made me relax under her wide-eyed gaze. Before Esme could introduce her she bounced forward.

"I'm Alice"

A small grin tugged at my lips, nodding once before I spoke clearly.

"Jasper Whitlock, ma'am. It's a pleasure to meet you all"

She giggled, warmth flooding her cheeks and turning them a slight pink.

Then the beautiful boy that I knew was Edward lightly pushed his bouncing and blushing sister away to take my hand in his strong, firm grip and shake it, and at that touch fire ignited in my veins, making me yank my hand back as if I had just pulled a pot out of the oven without any protective mitts, he frowned at the reaction and rubbed his hand.

For a moment, I wondered if he had felt that same scorching shock I did. He shook his head and smiled a small, crooked smile making me believe that I had only imagined the electric flames.

"Edward Cullen, it's a pleasure, Jasper"

'_Oh, it really is.'_

He coughed and I realized that I had been staring for longer than socially acceptable.

'_Good job, Whitlock. Real smart' _

I dropped my eyes to my feet as if my shoes were suddenly the most interesting thing on the planet. Correction... Edward's eyes were the most interesting thing on the planet but I couldn't look at those so my bland shoes were the next best thing.

Esme broke the awkwardness and I once again found myself being grateful that Esme Cullen rescued both me and her son who obviously didn't seem to enjoy my staring, or he was just confused as to why I stared at him.

"Alice please show Jasper his room"

"My room…?"

"Yes, silly" Alice giggled while speaking "You didn't think we wouldn't give you a room, did you?"

I chuckled as Alice bounced into the house, following her and shaking my head. I glanced back to see Edward talking to his parents, swallowing the lump in my throat as I shook my head again and followed Alice.

_**~XO~**_

She pointed out the large kitchen, showing me where everything was placed before moving on to show me the living room, the dining room, Carlisle's study, Esme's studio, a music room and then up the stairs we went. I ran a hand through my blonde locks as I climbed the stairs behind her, looking around with a curious glint in my bright blue gaze, there was two bedrooms at the end of the hall and two between them.

"The one on that end" She pointed to the door at the end of the hall on the left. "Is mom and dad's room, the next one is mine, then yours. It used to be Emmett's" she stated matter-of-factly "and the other one is Edward's" I nodded along with her words as she opened the third door that belonged to me now.

The room was nicer than any room I had ever slept in, four large pillows rested against the headboard of the massive bed that took up half the room, a glass window was over the top of the headboard, emerald curtains blocked the sun out. The room was neat and clean and was unlike anything I had ever seen, my mouth must've been hanging open because Alice giggled and when I turned to look at her the amusement was clean on her child-like features.

"I'll just leave you alone for a bit"

I nodded and smiled at her, she blushed again before turning and leaving the room, closing the wooden door behind her. I glanced at the curtains that reminded me of Edward Cullen's eyes.

I didn't have anything, it was all back at the house in Texas, the house that I blatantly refused to step foot in again, the house that held so many haunting memories, I thought about it as I sat on the edge of the unfamiliar bed, closing my eyes while my father's voice screamed at me as if he was right in front of me.

"_You worthless shit. No wonder your mama left without you, even if I didn't tell her she would've left anyway because no one wants you! I don't want you, she doesn't want you," He screamed while kicking the whimpering blonde boy's side. Both men were breathing raggedly, Jasper's eyes closed and he counted to ten, humming to himself while his father kicked his already harmed body_

I hadn't realized that I was crying until I felt the heated wetness running down my cheeks, I cleared my throat and coughed. Carefully, I opened the bedroom door and walked out, soundlessly closing it behind me as I looked around.

'_Alice showed me a bathroom... Dammit, where was it?'_

"Downstairs. First door on the left"

I gulped; I didn't need to turn around to know who that voice belonged to. I felt Edward walk toward me, closing my eyes when he touched my shoulder, the same fire that swam in my blood at his touch returned.

'_No... Go away... Don't see me cry, please... God, please"_

I stopped believing in God a while ago, He had never come through for me when I prayed so I gave up on him but right now, I was praying more than a priest did.

He turned me around and took one look at me before he walked off without a single word, never asking why my eyes were red and puffy or why my eyelashes were wet with tears. Nothing left his lips.

Despite his cold attitude, I followed his instructions and went downstairs, opening the first door on the left. Sure enough, there was a bathroom and a sink. Turning the tap on, I splashed the water onto my face and took a deep breath.

Edward was strange, stranger than I was. He was like a tap, he could be hot and then cold within three seconds, he could look like he cared but then his expression would become blank and I would feel confused as hell. I knew this from the few hours I was here, what would the next few years be like? We had one more year of school left before it was time to decide which direction on the 'future path' were we going to take. One year until I wouldn't have to see him, until I wouldn't be able to feel the fire coursing through my veins, burning and making me feel more alive than I ever could've dreamed of feeling, that little thought made me sad, but why? Why? I barely knew him personally, I knew him from his face and the stories Carlisle told me when I was bond to hospital bed. But they were recent stories, not of his past or what brought him to the Cullen's. He had a family before just like everyone but something had taken him or had taken them away from each other, something or someone tore them apart.

I left the bathroom and decided to explore, I could tell by the pictures on the walls that Edward was not like me, he was not a loner or a freak, and he was accepted into the wild jungle I called school. He was a lion and I... well, I wasn't. In one picture he was surrounded by friends, in another he was in a football uniform with other players surrounding him. There were pictures of family outings and they all screamed happiness. A happiness that was an uncommon feeling for me.

My exploration or snooping was abruptly interrupted by the sound of Alice and Esme announcing that dinner was ready.

Entering the dining room, I gulped when I caught sight of the seating arrangements, the only empty seat was next to Edward, I inwardly groaned before pulling the chair out and taking a seat, the table had a large amount of food spread out onto its surface.

'_Jeez. This is enough to feed a whole country'_

I glanced at Edward, catching sight of his clenched jaw and his lips that were set into a thin, tight line of irritation.

'_This will be so much fun,'_ I remarked sarcastically in my head.

"So, are you boys ready for school tomorrow?" Carlisle asked while spooning some mashed potatoes onto his plate.

I only shrugged while the irrational fear of high school pooled in my stomach and made me lose my appetite.

By now, I had become certain of three facts.

For one thing, eating this would make me explode, well that wasn't entirely true.

The second thing was that school was going to suck.

Thirdly, Edward Cullen hated me.

'_Great'_


	3. Chapter 3 - Fuck My Life

Chapter 3 – Fuck My Life.

**AN: Ooooooh. Everyone doesn't agree with Edward's behaviour towards Jasper. Now to find out why he's acting the way he is.**

**Your reviews make my day a million times better and make me want to write more and more so thank you for that. **

**For those who want to know, Edward's story will be told in a later chapter.**

**Everything belongs to Stephanie Meyer; I just play with her gorgeous boys.**

**All mistakes are mine, enjoy.**

* * *

_**Recap**_

"_So, are you boys ready for school tomorrow?" Carlisle asked while spooning some mashed potatoes onto his plate._

_I only shrugged while the irrational fear of high-school pooled in my stomach and made me lose my appetite._

_I was sure of a few things I was now sure of:_

_For one thing, eating this would make me explode._

_The second thing was that school was going to suck_

_And thirdly, Edward Cullen hated me._

'_Great'_

* * *

I spoke before Jasper could, answering Carlisle's question with the usual calm and cool tone in my voice.

"I'm always ready for anything, dad."

I glanced at Jasper who was staring at his plate, his blonde curls hid his face from my view, my brows knitted together, frowning as the sudden urge to reach out and pull them out of his face just to see those eyes hit me, almost making me choke on my food. I swallowed thickly and resisted the growing urge, pushing my plate back and leaving the table without another word or another look at him.

_**~XO~**_

My bedroom had always been a sanctuary, it was my private space where I could think without an interruption for at least a few hours, my room hid my secrets and it was the only place in the entire house that I could lose myself to my mind and no one would ask if everything was alright.

To say that I was confused was the biggest understatement of the century.

I wasn't gay so why on earth was I thinking about Jasper?

He was handsome, yes, and I had always been able to notice when a man was handsome but that was just noticing, I never acted on it. My fingers rubbed my chin in thought, I was kidding myself when I thought that Jasper was handsome, he wasn't.

He was beautiful, there was no other way that I could describe it and it confused and scared me so I thought if I acted hostile toward him then maybe the sudden attraction wouldn't be there, maybe he wouldn't look at me and send flames through my entire body like no other had ever manage to do. But that didn't seem to work at all, dinner was almost a nightmare, he hid from me because I had seen him when he was searching for the bathroom, I had seen his eyes, his wet lashes and cheeks and the redness, that had embarrassed him. I paced around my room, shaking my head as I tried to listen to the distant conversation downstairs but I heard nothing.

And with the sound of nothing to distract me from my confusing and terrifying thoughts I continued to think. I liked Jasper, I liked his face, his eyes, and the way he spoke enchanted me. I didn't know his story, when I asked for it Carlisle refused to speak of it, he said _"It is Jasper's story to tell, not mine" _but he said that about everyone. Despite not knowing anything about him I could sense loneliness, the inability to trust anyone too quickly and a certain longing radiating off of him, for what I wasn't certain of but I wanted to find out.

I had never been into dating and girls, every single person in my group at school has or had a girlfriend but I didn't and never have, they made jokes of course but no one ever truly thought anything of it, I myself had always thought that it was because no high-school girl was appealing to me, but now it was all a jumbled mess of the broken puzzle that used to be me.

I knew that my 'friends' weren't the accepting type, they would laugh at and torment anyone who seemed different or seemed like a threat, they didn't like anyone who wasn't like them and with that information in mind I knew what had to be done.

First, I needed to breathe and shower.

Second, I needed to get myself ready and prepared for school tomorrow because...

Thirdly, I was going to try my hardest to deny my attraction and avoid Jasper, even if it meant being hostile and acting as if I hate him when really all I want to do is feel those perfectly pouted lips against mine, it was confusing, different and unlike anything I had experienced but the thought sent shivers up my spine and a delicious heat through my stomach.

I flopped backward onto the bed, burying my head against the large, soft pillows. My mind thinking faster than a speeding bullet, running through different thoughts at an impressive speed.

Running a hand down my face, I groaned.

'_How does Jasper fucking Whitlock have me so wrapped up and we have only just met'_

My thoughts were interrupted by a small, almost timid knock at my bedroom door and for a brief second hope flared in me, hope that when I said "come in" I would see golden hair and blue eyes, but when I said the words and the door opened it wasn't blonde hair and blue eyes that I saw it was a small, pixie-shaped figure that bounced into my room and plopped herself onto my bed as if she owned it and I was just the rude visitor. Her face had a smile on it, her short and spikey hair was styled, making her face seem even more pixie-like than I thought was possible, Alice grinned at me before she raising her palms and slapping them together in an excited clap.

"What, Alice?" I said, a hint of irritation in my voice, why was she so bouncy when I felt like ripping a door off its hinges?

"Isn't Jasper dreamy?" She asked, completely unaware of my irritation or of the way colour flooded my cheeks and my breath hitched at the mention of his name.

"Not the right person you should ask, Ali"

She playfully slapped my hand before continuing.

"Since he's not related to me or anyone else in the house for that matter, I was thinking of asking him out, maybe trying to... you know... date him."

Somewhere in the world glass broke and a train skid off the rails, but right here and right now my sister just told me that she wants to date the boy who has me questioning everything I have ever known.

My stomach did a gymnastic routine that would take home the gold in the Olympics as I tried to speak.

Instead of coming out and telling one of the only people I really did trust the truth about my feelings I froze, clearing my throat as I finally spoke. The words that left my mouth weren't mine; they belonged to the coward part of me, the one who wanted to hide and the one who was quickly overtaking me.

"Oh..? That sounds great, Ali. Sure you would be a good couple."

She grinned and giggled, pressing a small kiss to my cheek before bouncing out of the room.

I buried my head in my pillow and screamed until my voice was raw.

Fuck. My. Life.


	4. Chapter 4 - Thumb War

**Hello again. No one likes Edward right now, huh? Poor boy is too scared to admit his feelings about Jasper. **

**I feel that I may need to clarify something, Edward doesn't hate Jasper, he's confused and he's acting that way to try and get rid of what he feels like because Jasper has changed everything for Edward, the only thing he hates about him is that he's walked in and completely ruined everything Edward believed about himself. Anyway, hopefully you like this chapter. Again, nothing belongs to me but if it did, Twilight would be all about J and E. **

**All mistakes are my own.**

* * *

**JPOV**

School was exactly how I thought it would be – a complete and utter nightmare.

Most of the kids ignored me, which in all honesty was okay with me, I preferred to be invisible, I kept my head down and ignored the whispers that I could hear around me, most of them went about their own business also except Edward's group. Edward himself ignored me or looked at me like I was something found on the bottom of his shoe, the mixed signals from him confused me, he would look like he wanted to say something but would close his mouth and keep it locked inside of him, sometimes it was those looks of hate and pain that confused me, I didn't understand why he hated me or why he looked like I had kicked him in the crotch when he glanced at me. His group however ruthlessly attacked me whatever chance they had, Mike Newton was the worst of the bunch, and he followed Edward around like a puppy dog, thirsting for approval from the big boss.

A few weeks had passed with nothing but a few snide remarks that I was freak, which I let slide off my shoulders, mama always said the phrase "Water off the ducks back" and her words seemed to apply here. I walked to my locker; it was a tiny and cramped space that barely fit all my books, I was about to unlock my locker when I was smashed up against it by the force of someone's body colliding with my own. Hands found my shoulders and turned me around before they pushed me right against the locker again, its lock stabbing into my back.

Mike Newton looked at me with an evil smirk on his face as he held me against the locker with an arm pressed against my throat, he opened his mouth to speak but before he even said a word rough hands pulled him back, I panted for air and watched in shock as Edward and Mike fought on the floor by my feet.

_WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK_.

Edward was fighting one of his friends for me and I did nothing but stand there with my mouth hanging open and my eyes wide in shock, by now half the school had gathered around to see the fight, Edward lifted himself up and pushed kicked Mick's side, his eyes were wild, blazing with fury as he grabbed me by the hand and practically dragged me out of the school and into the passenger seat of his silver Volvo.

I snarled at him, the speed he was driving at was insane and now not only was I completely furious with him but I was also afraid of him, questions raced through my head, a small voice in my head screaming at me to ask him but when I opened my mouth to speak no words escaped past my lips, I frowned and rested against the cool leather seat as he sped down the road.

"Where are we going?" I managed to squeak.

His grip on the wheel tightened, his knuckles whitening with the intense pressure of his clenching hands, he ignored my question, which I expected, but it scared me even more. After weeks of ignoring the fact that I existed I was in his car, right beside him and he still didn't speak to me and it frustrated me to no end.

"Edward…?" I asked, carefully deciding to keep my tone light and hopefully avoid pissing him off further.

"What?" He hissed through clenched teeth.

"You're not mad at me, are you..?"

His expression softened and, much to my surprise, his voice did too.

"No, Jasper. I'm not, why should I be?"

I merely shrugged, too stunned to speak.

"You know… Your mood swings are confusing the hell out of me."

He chuckled, the trees whizzed past us in a blur of forest and clouded sky as he drove, the speed didn't seem to bother him at all as if driving this way was normal and not completely dangerous, but as I thought about it he was dangerous, his green eyes that reminded me so much of the trees around us held his secrets, secrets I craved to know, he moved swiftly and smoothly. He was beautiful and there was no question about that. My thoughts were interrupted by his voice as he answered my previous statement.

"Mood swings, huh? Jasper, I can't believe that someone like you doesn't get it yet."

I frowned at that, "Get what?"

The car pulled to a stop at the edge of a dirt path that lead into the dark forest, the dirt and gravel crunching beneath the wheels of the Volvo, he turned his head to face me, his red lips parting as he started to speak.

"I like you, Jasper... I've avoided you for that exact reason."

His cheeks were red with a light blush and that shocked me more. Edward fucking Cullen was blushing because of me.

_Well holy hell._

"Y... You what?" I stuttered which wasn't at all intentional.

"I like you, Jasper and it is fucking confusing but it's the truth." He shrugged as he opened his door and slid out of the car.

"Are you coming?" He asked as he began to walk down the dirt path, jumping out of the car at a speed that surprised me, I followed closely behind him, oddly reminding myself of a puppy dog.

We hiked through the trees for a long time, by now we were way off the path and my legs started to ache with each step behind him, like a child I whined.

"Are we there yet?"

He didn't answer but instead he laughed, it was carefree and it danced in the wind, to me it was the sweetest thing I ever had the pleasure of hearing, at least for now.

After another five minutes of agonizing walking he finally sat down on smooth, hard rock that wasn't covered in greenery, we sat facing each other, neither one of us spoke. He seemed lost in through, his brows furrowed in concentration and his lips pursed in thought.

"I have an idea..." He said.

"What…?" I asked, my head tilting the side in question.

The grin that formed on his features was childish, full of innocence and excitement.

"Let's play a game. A thumb war, whoever wins has to ask the loser 10 question and/or dares, the loser has to tell the truth or do the dares, no matter what it is. Deal?"

I chuckled, this side of Edward was new and I found myself liking it, after all it was better than him ignoring me, I folded my arms and watched his face, committing the expression to my memory. I knew he wanted to find out about me, he was curious and so was I.

"So like truth or dare but the thumb war edition?"

"Yup"

"Fine," I nodded.

Our hands met and that same electric spark shot through my body but I didn't pull away, instead they joined and he and I both muttered.

"One. Two. Three. Four. I declare a thumb war. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. You're going down, mate."

Our thumbs fought against each other until he pinned mine for three seconds, his grin was triumphant as he took a breath.

"I'll start with an easy one," He said and I nodded, relieved that the first question wouldn't be anything too personal.

"Favourite colour?"

"Green"

He smiled at that, it was a small, crooked smile that I immediately wanted to kiss.

"Do you miss where you were before?"

I shook my head "No"

"Why not?"

I bit my lip and shrugged. "I just don't miss it."

He nodded and didn't press it, despite the rule of having to tell the truth no matter what. His voice dropped, becoming a small whisper.

"Why were you crying?"

"I had hoped you didn't notice that"

He shrugged.

I swallowed thickly, closing my eyes and silently hoping that I wouldn't have to answer this but I followed the rules and trusted him, letting out the breath I didn't realize I was holding, I spoke.

"I thought about something for too long and it got to me," He stared at me with curious eyes.

"You won't say anything to anyone…?"

He shook his head, continuing to watch me.

"My dad wasn't right... Mentally speaking, He was abusive toward my mother and I, my mother was able to leave under the condition that I stayed with him... Well, I did and it continued until he shot himself."

Edward was silent for a while, neither of us spoke, the silence encased us until I was almost biting my lip off with nervousness, he glanced up at me and gave a small smile, the smile that I knew meant he understood.

"Do you like me, Jasper?"

"Yes, more than I should..."

"Why do you stare at me, Jasper?"

"Because I... I can't help it."

"Do you want me to kiss you, Jasper?"

"Yes"

"Then ask."

I inhaled sharply and swallowed, my mouth suddenly feeling dry.

"Can you kiss me, Edward?"

His lips formed a brilliant smile as he moved closer until our knees touched; he seemed to breathe in my scent before leaning in and pressing his cool lips to mine in a gentle, careful kiss. He was hesitant, as if he hadn't kissed anyone before in his life but I doubted that, I was sure he'd never kissed a boy before so that must've been why his lips felt shaky against my own. I kissed him back, my lips taking control and deepening the kiss, soon our lips were moving in sync with each other, our eyes closed and he groaned into my mouth.

I pulled back, pressing the tips of my fingers to my lips and smiled at him, his lips were redder and swollen from our kiss; they formed a shy smile as he breathed in deeply.

"So…" I started, nervous about what he had to say.

"I still have a few questions left"

I chuckled and shook my head.

"Go ahead, Edward."

"What do you think of me, Jasper?"

I breathed in deeply at that, playing with a fallen leaf between my fingers, mumbling as I spoke.

"I like you and it really hurt that you were ignoring me... I… Carlisle showed me a picture of you when I was in the hospital and told me stories, the sight of you and the tales cheered me up even though I didn't know you personally and it just sucked that you seemed to hate me."

A guilty look formed on his face and he side.

_Well shit, I think I just made Edward Cullen feel guilty._

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be."

"Alice likes you, you know… I had to stay away for her sake and my own."

"I know Alice likes me… I talked to her this morning about it. What do you mean?"

He cleared his throat.

"I thought I was into girls, Jasper, until you. You changed everything and I hated you for doing that, I had to stay away because one look at you made me want to have you."

I swallowed, watching him with arched brows. I was taken aback by his words and his confession and there was no way I was going to deny that in my head I was jumping around like an excited schoolgirl mentally screaming **"EDWARD FUCKING CULLEN LIKES ME."**

"Will you stay away now?"

His face inched closer to mine, our lips barely touched and I felt his breath fan over my face as I held my own, anxiously awaiting his response, he breathed his words, so quiet I barely heard them.

"I do not have the will power to stay away from you anymore."


	5. Chapter 5 - Truth and Experiment

**Finally Edward's story and a bit of a lemon... Thanks for being such amazing readers, I was nervous about publishing my first fic but the response from this is really making me want to write more so thank you. Now for me to stop rambling and let you read.**

**Nothing belongs to me; all characters belong to Stephanie Meyer, yadadada. **

**Their first time will be soon and I was wondering if anyone had a preference as to whose point of view they would like it in. Let me know.**

**This is the first time I have written anything sexual so I hope it's okay.**

**All mistakes are my own.**

_Previously _

"_Will you stay away now?"_

_His face inched closer to mine, our lips barely touched and I felt his breath fan over my face as I held my own, anxiously awaiting his response, he breathed his words, so quiet I barely heard them._

"_I do not have the will power to stay away from you anymore." _

_**EPOV**_

I didn't have much more to ask Jasper, the kiss had taken my breath away and with the touch of our lips I knew that my fate was sealed, for some insane reason he became everything in a matter of weeks, it seemed as if no matter how hard I tried to deny it and to stay away from him I couldn't.

Seeing Mike Newton with his hands on Jasper angered me and surprisingly made me jealous, I didn't want his hands on him in any way, I already laid a claim on him even though I was busy denying that I was hopelessly attracted to him. I acted with my heart when I stepped in and that lead me to here, in the forest, looking into his curious and mesmerizing gaze, it was his turn and he knew it. Though, it frightened me about what he would be asking me about, questions blazed behind his bright gaze and I wondered what they were.

The both of us had secrets, everyone did. My own were devastating in their own way and his were, too. We were both silent as he stared at his fingertips, bumping them against one another as he lost himself in his thoughts, I took the time to watch him, his blonde hair fell to his chin in waves and my fingers wanted to tangle themselves in his golden locks, his lips were set into a thin, worrying line and his eyes were focused on his fingers as if they were the most interesting things in the world. I liked the way he focused, it was innocent and I found myself finding his actions completely adorable.

I had begun to fall in love with him and every single thing he did.

He lifted his head; blue eyes meeting mine as he cleared his throat and spoke, his southern accent was like music to my ears and I could listen to him speak all day long.

"Is it my turn now?" He asked.

"Well, I don't have anything else to ask yet so yeah, it is your turn." I smiled crookedly and watched as a blush filled his cheeks, he looked down again and mumbled something I didn't hear right away.

"Sorry?"

"Um…." He started to speak louder, as if he was embarrassed by his question or maybe he feared my reaction to it.

"Why did you become a Cullen?"

I sucked in a sharp breath but smiled at him, hoping to gently calm him as it was obvious that he was afraid of my reaction or if I would even answer it, it was only fair to tell him everything and so I began to speak of my tragedy.

"My parents were good people who loved and spoiled me rotten but that part of my childhood was rather short lived, when I was four my mother passed away and my father soon remarried," I shuddered as I recalled the events of my childhood, my voice was far away and I could hear the tone that had him completely absorbed in my story even though it was causing me a rather terrible stomach ache. "The woman he remarried was a terrible woman, she hated me because my father gave me more attention than he ever gave her, I had to be tucked in, read a story and kissed goodnight before he could go to share his bed with her," I spat my words, the mere memory of her made me want to punch something. "My father was a strong man. And I, being a naïve child, believed that nothing could take him away and that he would always be there for me but no one lives forever, Jasper and despite my own beliefs that applied to my father also. We went fishing as an attempt at being a family," I scoffed but continued "She…" I swallowed thickly as my voice became choked up, my eyes clouding up with unshed tears. "She pushed me when his back was turned but he heard the splash and dove in. I was saved but... he wasn't. My father died saving me. Well, she wanted nothing to do with me so she skipped town and left me in the hospital. Carlisle and Esme desperately wanted a child and he was treating me, I was parentless, innocent and scared of everything except him. And the rest is history"

I realized when I was finished that my head was down and I was staring at the rock beneath me instead of staring into his gorgeous blue eyes, he cleared his throat and with no judgement or pity in his voice he spoke two simple words that made a tear side down my cool, pale cheek.

"Thank you."

He used two fingers to lift my chin so I could see his face and with his thumb he wiped my tear away and as if nothing had happened he continued with some question.

"What do you think of me?"

I scanned his face, tilting my head to one side in confusion. He looked so insecure, so worried about what I would say, I told him my life, things not even Carlisle knows and he still worried about what I thought of him.

Guilt pooled in my stomach and I breathed in deeply.

He worried because of the way I treated him before, he worried because I had acted as if I hated his guts and that made me feel guilty, my actions made him insecure about my feelings.

"Jasper, I find you to be the bravest, strongest and the most beautiful soul I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, and you have made me feel alive finally. I'm not afraid or confused anymore. I want you and I want you to want me too."

That was partly true, I did feel alive, I did think all those things about him and I wasn't confused about absolutely everything now, but I was afraid. What would Carlisle think of me? Would he be disgusted that who I was falling for was the boy who he rescued? Or would he be more disgusted that I was falling for a boy? And the more pressing issue was that if I would be able to come out and publically say that I was with Jasper.

He must've seen me overthinking because my thoughts were silenced by the touch of his soft lips against mine, we kissed slowly and sweetly, there was no rush or eagerness in our kiss, somehow I ended up lying against the cool rock with him resting on top of me, my hands threaded through his hair and our eyes closed as we kissed, I moaned upon feeling his hardness against my thigh.

"Jasper…?"

"Mmm" He mumbled against my lips.

"Jazz..?"

"Yeah?" He answered as he pulled away from my mouth and straddled my thighs.

"I..." I stuttered.

His finger pressed against my lip as he whispered.

"Just feel, Edward."

I did, I lay back and we continued our kiss until his lips were at my neck, eagerly kissing and sucking at my pale skin, I stopped him and whispered.

"Not here."

He nodded and climbed off me, helping me up. We walked back to the car in silence, his bottom lip was entrapped between his teeth and unlike the first walk he never complained about the length or that his legs were hurting. I opened his door and closed it when he got in without a single murmur, when I got in the car he began to speak.

"We should talk about…."

I nodded, urging him to continue and letting him know that I was listening.

"I… um..." He was playing with his fingers again as I gripped the steering wheel, I knew what he wanted to talk about and I knew that it was bound to come up sooner or later, I was embarrassed because I wasn't ready and I didn't know what to do. I, Edward Cullen, had no idea how to be with a man.

I wasn't a virgin but when it came to men I obviously was and Jasper knew that, so I coughed.

"You want to have sex with me, right? But you're worried that I'm not ready yet, right?"

He nodded and took over.

"I won't push you, Edward because I know this is new to you and I don't want to do anything that you'll end up regretting..." He said, a blush filling his cheeks as he spoke.

I pulled over, stopping the car and leaning over to brush my fingers over his blushed cheeks.

"I'm not ready for that yet, Jas... But I will be. I'm just coming to terms with who I really am and how I feel about you, there's so much that I'm worrying about but... Just because I'm not ready for that doesn't mean…"

I stopped and my hands took control before my brain could come up with reasons as to why I shouldn't. My fingers moved to the zipper of his jeans, tugging it down before I popped the button and opened it.

"Edward… What? He asked with a shocked but aroused look on his face. I adjusted the seat to make him comfortable before I pulled his shirt off, yanked his jeans and boxers down past his hips. My eager, lust filled gaze locked on his thick cock as it sprung out and slapped against his stomach, I didn't know what I was doing but I breathed in deeply before nerves got to me and wrapped my hand around his perfect length.

His breath hitched and his head tilted backward, exposing his throat. My hand experimentally stroked him, watching his expression for his reactions. His pouted lips were parted; his eyes were almost closed as he bit as his lower lip.

"Yes..." He hissed through his teeth as my tongue met his leaking slit, my hand still around his length as my head lowered, experimentally licking and swirling around his tip. He was moaning, heat pulsed between us and I felt my own rock hard cock making my pants feel deathly tight.

My lips closed over his tip, wrapping around as I sucked at it. He groaned and it was long, loud and fucking perfect; I sucked him further into my mouth, gradually taking him in until he hit the back of my throat, and I gagged and pulled back. Heat pooled in my cheeks but before he could say anything I went back to sucking him, hallowing my cheeks and rolling my tongue.

"Ed... Edward… Going to… Oh, fuck."

He didn't finish his sentence, hot come shot down my throat, taken by surprise I gagged and coughed, making a mess as I pulled off of his length. He panted and looked down at me.

"Fuck... That was amazing." He breathed out.

"I didn't even swallow properly... and I gagged" I whispered, clearly embarrassed.

He laughed.

He fucking laughed.

I lowered my head and blushed more.

"That's not what makes it amazing, darlin', you could've just kissed me and it would've been perfect. Besides... Practice makes perfect." He grinned cheekily as he spoke. "Now... Tell me you have some tissues."

I handed him the packet that was in the glove box as he cleaned both me and him up and smiled a brilliant smile, showing off his dimples and soon I found myself smiling along with him.

My phone rang before I had a chance to start the car.

"Hello….?"

"EDWARD ANTHONY CULLEN!"

Oh... Fuck.

"Mom... I'm sorry. I..."

"I DON'T APPROVE OF YOU SKIPPING SCHOOL, YOUNG MAN. BOTH YOU AND JASPER ARE IN HUGE TROUBLE NOW GET HOME."

"Yes, ma'am" I sighed and she hung up, turning the key and starting the engine I frowned at Jasper, his confused expression telling me that he had no idea what just happened.

"Mom..."

He gulped as he understood and gave short nod.

"Hey, Edward…?"

"Thanks for being you."

At that moment I realized that I was hopelessly in love with Jasper Whitlock, I smiled at him and murmured.

"Thank you for showing me the real me, Jasper."


	6. Chapter 6 - The Fallen

**So, so sorry for the lateness in this chapter, I've had an emotional roller-coaster of a few weeks. Ugh. Anyway, enjoy. I did not mean for this to be so emotional but my mood has obviously projected into this. **

**The M rating/trigger warning comes here; some themes in this can be offensive, etc. There is self-harm in this so if you can't bear to read that I understand and I would rather that you don't if it will make you upset. If anyone has gone through something like this remember that you're strong and that I love you. On with the chapter. **

**Mistakes are mine, I don't own anything**

* * *

**Previously**

"_Hey, Edward…?"_

"_Thanks for being you."_

_At that moment I realized that I was hopelessly in love with Jasper Whitlock, I smiled at him and murmured._

"_Thank you for showing me the real me, Jasper." _

* * *

**JPOV**

The couch was comfortable but I felt as if it was filled with jagged rocks, my right leg refused to stop bouncing up and down as I waited for Esme to finish talking to Edward in the next room, Carlisle sat on the chair opposite me, a newspaper keeping him occupied as his wife spoke to their son about his recent bad boy antics, he looked completely uninterested and I would go so far as to say that he was amused by this situation, Carlisle tore his eyes away from his newspaper and looked at me, he chuckled.

"Don't worry, son. She'll cool down."

Before I could respond the door of Carlisle's study open, Esmé walked out with red and puffy eyes but a small smile on her kind lips, Edward soon followed, his eyes told me that he had cried but for what I didn't know yet. Esmé motioned with a slender finger for me to follow her into the study, I shot Edward an alarmed look but he only chuckled and took my place as I stood up. With shaking hands and wobbly walk I followed Esmé into Carlisle's study.

She carefully closed the door, the awkward silence between us made me feel like a child in trouble with a teacher and I had the odd urge to yell out that I didn't do whatever it was that I was accused off.

"Jasper…?" She said in a quiet voice, she said my name as if it was a question.

"Yes…?" I answered carefully.

Her lips into a soft, kind smile and she rested her hand on top of mine.

"Edward told me…"

_WHAT THE HELL?_

"What did he tell you?" I squeaked, a thousand scenarios ran through my mind, for brief second I wondered if he had told her about us, about the car and... Oh, holy hell.

Her smile remained kind, understanding and somehow I knew Edward must have told her.

"He told me about the two of you and how much he cares for you. Jasper, I was surprised at first, Edward never showed his interest, and in fact Carlisle and I thought he didn't like you at all, but I don't judge you or Edward. And I'm happy that he is happy with you."

I blinked at her, vaguely aware that my mouth was hanging opening in shock.

"Does Carlisle know?"

"Yes, he does. And he wants to give you and Edward a "talk" later"

I groaned, knowing exactly what that talk was.

We talked for a few more moments, she questioned me about Edward and me, luckily I was too smart to slip up and tell her anything parents wouldn't like hearing. After another gruelling half-hour I was free to go. Before I could say anything Edward grabbed my hand and tugged me up the stairs and into his bedroom. We were finally alone and it seemed like he couldn't be happier, his lips crushed against mine with a bruising force, kissing and sucking on my plump lower lip as he swallowed my gasps and small moans, his hands travelled all over my body, touching and caressing my clothed skin.

I gasped as he finally let go of me, panting against both our mouths, he smiled crookedly and moved to sit on the edge of his bed, leaving me gasping and wondering what the hell had just happened.

"Jesus fucking Christ."

A smirk crossed his face as he rested against the headboard, his arms folding behind his head.

"Using the Lord's name in vain. Tsk. Tsk" he said, while knocking his tongue against his teeth.

I climbed on the bed with him, straddling his thighs and cupping his face, a small grin on my lips.

"I'm lucky to have you"

He smiled back, muttering a "Yeah, yeah, yeah" before pecking my lips.

Night came and we had curled up against each other, my head resting on his bare chest as we talked, I had a baggy grey jumper on and no pants while he had no shirt and just jeans, we talked and talked for hours, ignoring the fact that school was tomorrow and we would have to ignore each other and our growing relationship.

I noticed when he started to get sleepy, his eyes were half closed and he tried to hold back his yawns and often failed, I found myself finding him cute.

"Do you want to sleep?" I murmured.

"No... I'm not tired," He shook his head even though the yawned that followed his words told another story.

He adjusted his body so that instead of me resting on him, he was resting on me. Cuddling into my side he yawned and spoke; his tone babyish and innocent.

"Tell me a story, Jasper."

I chuckled, I liked tired Edward, he wasn't uptight or careful, he was free and innocent, and it made me feel like I needed to protect him.

A small sigh slipped past my lips and started to speak, telling him a story off the top of my head.

"Once upon a time there was a princess, and this princess was awfully lonely and she had no friends, her family left her and no one wanted her, then a prince from a good kingdom and a good family took interest in her, he was her angel but she would never tell him that."

He interrupted me and whispered.

"Are you the princess, Jazzy?"

Laughing quietly, I nodded, my arm wrapping around him to hold him safely to me.

"You're tired. Sleep."

"Noooo," He whined childishly while I shook my head.

But before I could say another word he fell asleep peacefully, mumbling against me.

_**~O~**_

Morning rolled in all too soon, the light from the sun hit my face first, causing me to groan and mumble. It wasn't long before Edward was awake and making the same noise I was. We quickly broke apart to shower, dress and look socially acceptable. Breakfast was a quick dash because Edward and I took our time getting ready, unable to stop touching and kissing in between getting dressed for school.

In the car, he was quiet and lost in his own thoughts, he looked troubled but every time I opened my mouth to speak I would close it and push away the question of what was wrong with him, it was probably the same thing that was making my stomach twist and turn. School was a place where we weren't accepted, school was where everyone assumed Edward was straight but just not interested in the trash Forks High offers, and school was where everyone including Edward was supposed to hate me.

He stopped the car away from the school and turned to me, his lips were set into a thin worrying line and his frown caused his forehead to wrinkle.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Just worried" I admitted, figuring that there was no point in lying to him.

He rolled up the sleeve of my jacket, making my breath hitch and my stomach turn, lifting my scarred wrist to his mouth; he pressed a soft kiss to the scars and somewhat fresh wounds. His voice was a murmur and if I wasn't waiting for his words I might have missed what he said.

"You're shouldn't do this to yourself."

I felt as if I could cry, clearing my throat I rolled down my sleeve and hugged him from the passenger seat, mumbling into his grey coat.

"Thank you..."

He nodded and we parted, starting the car again we drove to what I liked to call a legally approved torture house.\

* * *

The first two periods were a bore, each teacher's voice became muffled and dulled by my own constant thoughts, I rested my head in my arms, waiting for the bell to ring so I could go home and stop pretending that he and I were nothing to each other, during lunch he generally ignored the fact that I even existed but he would occasionally glance at me and smile apologetically when no one was looking to which I smiled back at him.

The bell rang and I scooped my bag up, sliding it onto my back and all but bolted out of the classroom, knocking someone back along the way, the slight snide remark was faint and barely dented me as I pushed past everyone and escape through the doors of Forks High.

Edward and his friends were talking by his car, he looked uncomfortable around them and looked around and behind him more than to them, they all were talking and laughing, occasionally pointing at the girls that walked by, I briefly made a mental note that Mike wasn't with Edward and his group, reminding myself to ask Edward about that when we were alone again.

His deep green gaze landed on me and he waved me over with a small smile, though he seemed to play it off to his mates that he didn't like waiting and that he was my ride home, before I could make it over to him something collided with me and knocked me to the cool concrete, scraping the side of my face.

A fist collided with my face, splitting my lip and cracking my nose, I kicked and the person above me began to fight back, slamming into face and leaving me bruised and bleeding. He lifted himself off me and his foot collided with my side, people gathered around us, muttering and yelling "fight! Fight! Fight!"

I managed to get up and onto my feet, stumbling. I saw two things that threw me off.

Mike was nursing a bleeding fist; he was the one who attacked me – No surprise there.

Edward was staring at the scene, his face blank of emotion and unlike the last time he hadn't moved to help me – That hurt.

My stomach and heart throbbed in pain and sunk to the bottom of my gut with a thud, twisting and flipping as I felt tears sting my eyes.

I wouldn't cry in front of these people, I couldn't make more of a fool of myself or look even weaker than I already did.

So I ran and ran and ran.

And after the agonizing run home, the anger, hurt and fire in my lungs hadn't cooled or gone away, my fists beat against the wall in anger after I slammed the door closed, ignoring the screaming in my head that told me I was being an idiot and that I was weak, that I was about to fail without knowing the truth.

How could Edward just stand there?

Why didn't he help me when I desperately needed his help?

I ran into the bathroom and closed the door, temptation won and I lost every battle I had fought in the second it took me to make my decision and to let my overwhelming emotion rule me and silence the voice of reason. My skin felt as if it had been engulfed with torturous flames and tears ran down both my cheeks as the confusing emotional turmoil took over me and my hands, the wounds on my face stung when hot tears mixed with them.

Maybe this time no one would be stupid and save me.

"Edward…" His name was the last word that left my lips.


	7. Chapter 7 - Bleed For You

Chapter 7 – Bleed For You.

**I'm so sorry this has taken so long; hopefully you can forgive my absence and lack of updating. I will try my hardest to get the next chapters out as quickly as I can.**

**Trigger warning for this chapter, includes self-harm.**

**I didn't mean for the ending to turn out like that, I think I've lost control of these boys.**

**Mistakes are mine, I own nothing**

_**Previously**_

_I ran into the bathroom and closed the door, temptation won and I lost every battle I had been fighting in the second it took me to make my decision and to let my overwhelming emotion rule me and silence the voice of reason. My skin felt as if it had been engulfed with torturous flames and tears ran down both my cheeks as the confusing emotional turmoil took over me and my hands, the wounds on my face stung when hot tears mixed with them. _

_Maybe this time no one would be stupid and save me._

"_Edward…" His name was the last word that left my lips._

_**EPOV**_

I hated the smell of a hospital, it smelt like death and sickness and I didn't want to smell it or think about it but I didn't have much of a choice. The seats were cool and hard and I had to stand and pace around most of the time, giving the people around me a reason to shoot odd looks my way, I was tired and blood still stained my hands and shirt, I looked like I had physically ripped out someone's heart and held it in my hands as a prize, I might as well have done that. My father had told me about ten minutes ago that I could go and see him but the door to his room might as well be the fucking door that leads to hell, I was avoiding it and that was obvious to everyone around me.

As far as I was concerned it was my fault that Jasper was laying in there, his wrists wrapped up tightly, thinking his name sent a pang of hurt and guilt through me, every time my hand moved to open the door something made me step back like I had been burned, so instead I just kept pacing.

"Edward…?" A small, cautious female voice pulled me out of my thoughts and violently slammed me back down to earth, Esme stood in front of me, the look on her face made her seem older than she really was and it just made me feel even worse. I exhaled a deep breath of air and made an attempt at ignoring her, though I knew that wouldn't work because if Esme wanted to talk she wanted to talk and there was nothing I could do to change that, but trying never hurt anyone. I sat on the cool, uncomfortable seat and rested my head in my hands. It wasn't long before I felt her gentle hand on my back.

"Edward, he needs you."

"It's my fault he's in there" I snapped, surprised by how harsh my words sounded even though it wasn't intended. Esme didn't speak, I hadn't ever spoken to her in such a manner and I was glad that my head was in my hands because looking at her would've just made it worse and I wasn't sure I could handle worse.

"Edward, first of all don't take that tone with me" she said gently, even though I was sure she wanted to smack some sense into my thick head, "Secondly, it isn't your fault and he needs you now, he's been asking for you."

At that I lifted my head and looked into her eyes, raising a brow, "He has...?

She only nodded and patted my back, with her usual grace she stood and looked at me, her eyes demanding that I go in and face it, and as she walked away, I stood up and pushed open the door to his room.

He was sleeping when I came in; he looked angelic, his head resting on the white hospital pillows and his golden coloured hair made it seem like he had a halo, a perfect angel. His skin wasn't as pale as it was when he first joined the family, he didn't look as sick as he did then, he was better and the white bandages around his wrists brutally reminded me that I ruined the amazing progress he made with a stupid mistake. While watching him it all flooded back.

_**Flashback**_

_The house was silent, eerie and scarily silent._

"_Jasper….?" The words fell carefully from trembling lips, he was downstairs, he wasn't anywhere downstairs and in vain Edward hoped that he was just upstairs and ignoring him, but the feeling in his gut told him otherwise._

_The bathroom door was closed, but it wasn't locked and Edward inhaled a sharp breath as he pushed open the door to the dreaded bathroom. His eyes were on the tiled floor beneath his feet, the liquid crimson mercilessly broke the white tiles and it was as if time had come to a harsh stop, Jasper's body weakly rested against the space near the sink and the toilet, blood sliding down his wrists from open wounds, wounds that made Edward sick to his stomach. Mechanically he pulled Jasper into his arms and tried to keep him conscious, the only thing heard between both boy's sobs were the whispered and mumbled apologies and the loud screams from Edward as he desperately called for help._

I swallowed thickly as the images flashed in my mind, and briefly I looked at the door and thought about running until I heard a tired mumble. "Don't even think about it, Cullen"

I could feel heat spread through my cheeks as he spoke, he had seen me through his partly closed eyes even though I hadn't seen him, and I sat by his bed and ran a cool finger down his cheek, tracing his cheekbones. My mouth suddenly felt dry and it took a while for me to actually force the words out.

"I'm sorry…"

A tear rolled down his cheek as he attempted to rapidly blink them away and I felt my heart plummet into my stomach.

"Please don't…" he whispered.

So I didn't, I didn't speak and I didn't move, all I did was entangle my fingers with his and hold onto his hand for what seemed like years, I watched him sleep and when the nurse came in I pleaded with her to stay by his side, my mother and father tried to get me to leave, even Alice tried. But it just didn't work.

It took a few days until he was let go, thank God for Carlisle.

Jasper had to see a psychiatrist weekly and when he did I was a nervous wreck.

We didn't speak of the events that led him to the hospital; every time I tried he would flinch and change the subject. School was even worse, every one whispered and I became the outcast, I had him but I didn't have him. Often he would stare at blank spots or the work in front of him and I felt myself losing grip on him.

I stayed in my own bedroom after school, figuring that giving him space was the best thing. Esme, Alice and Carlisle had gone out for dinner, a movie and a stay at a hotel for Alice's birthday, she pouted when I told her I wasn't going to go but she pouted more when Jasper said he wasn't up to it.

Yeah, thanks, Ali.

There was a knock at my door; it was soft and careful, like the person on the other side was afraid of the door, like they were afraid of me.

"Come in." I said slowly.

He opened the door and quickly entered the room, closing the door before he could change his mind.

"Um... I… I…"

"You what?" I snapped, making him flinch back like I had slapped him in the face and instantly I regretted my tone.

"I'll just go, sorry to bother you" he muttered, clearly embarrassed.

"No!" I yelled "Don't go, I'm sorry."

He nodded and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Edward.. I"

"Don't worry about it"

"No" He said firmly, the tone stunned me because he was suddenly more determined and confident, "I'm sorry I've been such an ass to you, Edward. I don't have an explanation, I just got scared and I feel like I should be careful around you and everyone, because I don't want Mike to smash my face in and I don't want you to just stand there like you don't even care about me, that's what hurt Edward. You just stood there and did nothing." He blurted out in a rush.

I sat there shocked for a long moment, first he hadn't spoken to me at all in weeks and now he's come out with this, the sudden change was like a lethal bite and it took me a while before I responded.

"I'm sorry," I said lamely "I wasn't thinking, I saw the fight and I just didn't know what to do, I was shocked, I'm sorry, Jazz. I'm so sorry. It won't happen again. I promise" I didn't know when my lame response became a desperate beg, but at the moment I didn't care. The connection I had with him was so strong and I couldn't lose it over a dumb mistake on my part.

"I.." he started before taking in a deep breath, as if it was physically painful to speak, my heart was beating fast, pounding against my chest and my palms sweat with nerves.

"I don't know if I believe that." He whispered.

He sniffed and looked down at his lap, I frowned, preparing to give up. But the thought occurred to me.

What if he was testing me?

I moved from my space on the bed to move closer to him, my eyes meeting his as I lifted his head with my finger, "Believe this.." I whispered, pressing my lips to his and pouring all my feelings into it. He was unresponsive at first and the feeling of dread surged through me as I began to second guess myself, wondering if kissing him was the right thing to do but then his palm rested against my cheek and his lips began to move with mine. All my worries went away and I lost myself in him.

"I love you…." I whispered against his lips.

His breath hitched before his whispered back.

"And I love you"


	8. NOTICE

**So I wanted to let you guys know that I have not given up on this story. Lately I have been going through a rough time and I have not had the inspiration and motivation but I promise that I will be trying extra hard to continue this and bring you this story completed. I hope you are still with me and that you enjoy what I have written so far.**

**I have also changed my pen name, it's now InsideHazelEyes. Hope that doesn't confuse anyone **


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